This is a letter that I received in my webmail account from Generation Cedar and thought it was really well written. I have been trying to post it for others to "glean" from, not everything works or applies to every situation. There might be something to help you or work for you.



"Friends,

Some things are too important not to write down to say deliberately to your children. The following is one such letter I wrote to mine. I pray it will be an inspiration to you.

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on the TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.



Marriage, sweet little people is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God's design and His purposes must be pursued for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and he will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.



To my girls,

Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on, and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever is necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.

You'll have bad days, of course, crying days even, and that's when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor, and beg the Lord to carry you. Then you get up, get a fresh perspective (the crayon will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys,

Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please, only if you don't know "the secret". What is that? I'm glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won't always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a "secret question" a question you need to ask her often. It's not just the asking though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: "What's on your mind these days? And then be ready to listen. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That's what she wants.

To you all:

If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your life each day. Dwell on their strengths, and push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive-choose to love.

Here's that part you're not going to hear often:

If you find yourself "not happy", having lost attraction, disinterested, etc. you are not permitted to think about divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don't think about it for a minute that "the children will be better out of this" because they won't.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family, and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don't like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can't live up to it, don't get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your "marriage house" has no door.

Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself alone for any length of time with such either.

Divorce is not a "private option"/It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you "separate what God has joined together " you permanently injure far more than yourself.

Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know "You gotta love 'em, they're the only family you got"

I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray for you to be holy."